Words of Comfort: Pure and Holy

The spirit within is pure and holy, and goes back pure and holy to God, dwells in the spirit world pure and holy, and, by and by, will have the privilege of coming and taking the body again.

"Chapter 37: Understanding Death and Resurrection," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, (1997)

Words of Comfort: Created to Exist Eternally

The Gospel of life and salvation reveals to each individual who receives it that this world is only a place of temporary duration, existence, trials, etc. Its present fashion and uses are but for a few days, while we were created to exist eternally

"Chapter 37: Understanding Death and Resurrection," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, (1997)

Should vs. Would

After we lost Riley, we stayed with my in-laws for a few months. When we came back to Provo, and our ward, one of the hardest things for me was seeing the babies that were born around the same time as Riley. As I watched them grow and develop, I often thought things like "Riley should be crawling by now. Riley should have teeth by now. Riley should be eating Cheerios. Riley should be learning to stand and walk. Riley should be here." I think should is a dangerous word. It implies that things aren't the way they are supposed to be, and can lead to anger and frustration. After much prayer, I finally reached a point where I was able to accept that this was God's will; this was how it was supposed to be, even if it wasn't how I wanted it to be. I decided to stop using the word should, because I didn't want to feel contrary to the Lord's plan. I still look at the children that were born around the time Riley was born. It's still hard for me at times, but my thoughts have changed. Now I think things like "Riley would be running around and climbing on everything. Riley would be in nursery. Riley would be talking and singing. Riley would be so big. If he were here." But he's not here, and that's okay, because I know he is in the spirit world, working hard. I'm sure I will always think about what Riley would be doing if he were still here, but I have accepted that he is exactly where God wants and needs him and that he's doing all the things he should be doing. And during the Millennium, I will have the opportunity to raise my beautiful boy, and he will do all these things.

Words of Comfort: No Disposition to Weep or Mourn

It is true it is grievous to part with our friends. We are creatures of passion, of sympathy, of love, and it is painful for us to part with our friends. We would keep them in the mortal house, though they should suffer pain. Are we not selfish in this? Should we not rather rejoice at the departure of those whose lives have been devoted to doing good...? But could we have knowledge and see into eternity, if we were perfectly free from the weakness, blindness, and lethargy with which we are clothed in the flesh, we should have no disposition to weep or mourn.

"Chapter 37: Understanding Death and Resurrection," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, (1997)

Words of Comfort: Secured to Himself a Glorious Resurrection

It is a great cause of joy and rejoicing and comfort to his friends to know that a person has passed away in peace from this life, and has secured to himself a glorious resurrection. The earth and the fulness of the earth and all that pertains to this earth in an earthly capacity is no comparison with the glory, joy and peace and happiness of the soul that departs in peace

"Chapter 37: Understanding Death and Resurrection," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, (1997)

Words of Comfort: Worthy to Join My Innocent Children

"The Lord truly knows best and we know that the innocents who have been recalled from earth, so soon after their coming untainted by the sordid elements of this fallen world return to Him from whom they came, pure and holy, redeemed from the foundation, by the sacrifice of one who said “of such is the kingdom of heaven.” My most earnest, heartfelt prayer is, O! God help me to live and be worthy to join my innocent children in their home with thee!"

(Truth and Courage: The Joseph F. Smith Letters, 57.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Enjoying Every Moment

One of the most painful things for me after losing Riley was remembering all the times I didn't spend with him. All the times when he cried to be held, but I was so concerned about getting dinner cooked, or getting the dishes washed. To this day, these memories still break my heart. Even worse are the memories of when I was impatient with him, times when I just wanted a moment to myself. What I wouldn't give now for another moment with my sweet boy. I wish I could cuddle with him and get his big open-mouth kisses; I wish I could tickle him and hear his laughter. I even wish I could wake up in the middle of the night to his crying; I wish I could change his stinky, messy diapers.

All that being said, I'm ashamed to admit that I sometimes get impatient with Bekka, when I know I should just be enjoying every moment I have with her. A couple weeks ago, our cousins' son was admitted to the PICU because a blood vessel had burst in his spinal cord. This has been a rough and scary experience for a lot of reasons, but it's made even harder by the fact that our cousins already suffered the loss of one of their daughters a few years ago. And it is their healing baby, the one who helped heal their hearts after their loss, that is now in the hospital. When I found out about their boy being hospitalized I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. Among those emotions were fear and regret. You never, ever imagine that you will lose a child. But even more so, you never, never imagine losing another child. The thought that I might outlive Bekka scared me so much, and I was immediately filled with regret for all the moments with her that I haven't enjoyed. I'll admit, there have been times when she has been crying and I have gotten so frustrated and impatient. I feel so ashamed at how easily I can forget how I would give anything to hear Riley crying again. I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I'll slip up again, but for now I have a renewed determination to enjoy ever single moment with my baby girl -- even if she's crying or her diaper is leaking or anything else that might not otherwise be considered enjoyable.

I hope with all my heart that Bekka lives a long, healthy, wonderful life. I hope that all my future children will outlive me as well. But if the unimaginable happens, if God calls home another child of mine, I never want to have any regrets about how I spent my time with them. I want to live my life so that I can say that I enjoyed every moment I had with my children.

Words of Comfort: Fellowship... in Kindred Sorrows

"Time, and time only—that great healer of wounds—can touch my soul, and I think you would no doubt feel the same. But when the first poignant throes of grief are passed and the soul is calmed by time and fate, then a word fitly spoken may touch the tender chord of fellowship flowing from heart to heart in kindred sorrows."

( Truth and Courage: The Joseph F. Smith Letters, 57.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: I Shall Meet Them There

"The thought of meeting my children who have preceded me beyond the veil, and of meeting my kindred and my friends, what happiness it affords! For I know that I shall meet them there. God has shown me that this is true. He has made it clear to me, in answer to my prayer and devotion, as he has made it clear to the understanding of all men who have sought diligently to know him."

(Gospel Doctrine, 428–29. )
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: No Power Can Separate Us Then

"If we live and turn away from the truth we will be separated throughout the countless ages of eternity from the society of those we love. We will have no claim upon them, and they will have no claim upon us. There will be an impassable gulf between us over which we can not pass, one to the other.If we die in the faith, having lived righteous lives, we are Christ’s, we have the assurance of eternal reward, being in possession of the principles of eternal truth and shall be clothed with glory, immortality and eternal lives. While we sojourn in the flesh we pass a great portion of our life in sorrow; death separates us for a short time, some of us pass behind the vail, but the time will come when we will meet with those who have gone, and enjoy each other’s society forever. The separation is but for a moment as it were. No power can separate us then. God having joined us together we have a claim upon each other—an undeniable claim—inasmuch as we have been united by the power of the priesthood in the Gospel of Christ. Therefore it is better to be separated in this life for a little season, although we have to pass through deprivation, sorrow, trouble, toil, widowhood, orphanage and many other vicissitudes, than to be separated for all eternity."

(Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, 24 Apr. 1883, 1.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: Hopes of the Future

"It is a very difficult matter to say anything at a time of sorrow and bereavement like the present that will give immediate relief to the sorrowing hearts of those who mourn. Such griefs can only be fully relieved by the lapse of time and the influence of the good spirit upon the hearts of those that mourn, by which they can obtain comfort and satisfaction in their hopes of the future. … I have learned that there are a great many things which are far worse than death. With my present feelings and views and the understanding that I have of life and death I would far rather follow every child I have to the grave in their innocence and purity, than to see them grow up to man and womanhood and degrade themselves by the pernicious practices of the world, forget the Gospel, forget God and the plan of life and salvation, and turn away from the only hope of eternal reward and exaltation in the world to come."

 ( Deseret News: Semi-Weekly, 24 Apr. 1883, 1.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: All is Well with Our Children

"If we have received the testimony of the spirit of truth in our souls we know that all is well with our little children who pass away, that we could not, if we would, better their condition; and least of all would it better their condition if we could call them back here, for the reason that so long as man is in the world, clothed with mortality, surrounded by the evils that are in the world, he runs chances and is subject to risks, and there are responsibilities resting upon him which may prove fatal to his future prosperity, happiness and exaltation."

(Gospel Doctrine, 452.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: Nurturing This Child, After Its Resurrection

"Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: “You will have the joy, the pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.” There is restitution, there is growth, there is development, after the resurrection from death. I love this truth. It speaks volumes of happiness, of joy and gratitude to my soul. Thank the Lord he has revealed these principles to us."

(Gospel Doctrine, 455–56.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: In the Stature of Full-Grown Manhood

"The spirits of our children are immortal before they come to us, and their spirits, after bodily death, are like they were before they came. They are as they would have appeared if they had lived in the flesh, to grow to maturity, or to develop their physical bodies to the full stature of their spirits. If you see one of your children that has passed away it may appear to you in the form in which you would recognize it, the form of childhood; but if it came to you as a messenger bearing some important truth, it would perhaps come as the spirit of Bishop Edward Hunter’s son (who died when a little child) came to him, in the stature of full-grown manhood, and revealed himself to his father, and said: “I am your son.”

Bishop Hunter did not understand it. He went to my father and said: “Hyrum, what does that mean? I buried my son when he was only a little boy, but he has come to me as a full-grown man—a noble, glorious, young man, and declared himself my son. What does it mean?”

Father (Hyrum Smith, the Patriarch) told him that the Spirit of Jesus Christ was full-grown before he was born into the world; and so our children were full-grown and possessed their full stature in the spirit, before they entered mortality, the same stature that they will possess after they have passed away from mortality, and as they will also appear after the resurrection, when they shall have completed their mission."

(Gospel Doctrine, 455–56.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)

Words of Comfort: That Privilege [of Rearing Her Babe] Will be Renewed to Her Hereafter

"It matters not whether these tabernacles mature in this world, or have to wait and mature in the world to come, according to the word of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the body will develop, either in time or in eternity, to the full stature of the spirit, and when the mother is deprived of the pleasure and joy of rearing her babe to manhood or to womanhood in this life, through the hand of death, that privilege will be renewed to her hereafter, and she will enjoy it to a fuller fruition than it would be possible for her to do here. When she does it there, it will be with the certain knowledge that the results will be without failure; whereas here, the results are unknown until after we have passed the test."

(Gospel Doctrine, 453–54.)
~"Chapter 15: The Salvation of Little Children," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: JosephF. Smith, (1998)